I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
