Who wears a wallet chain?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
