He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
