I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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