That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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