Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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