margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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