walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
