Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
