Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
