i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
