so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if only i could text you this smell
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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