I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
