Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
