i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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