so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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