Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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