i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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