U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you would pick up someone in the library
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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