the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
