oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize
