Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
