You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
