I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm getting married
To pizza
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
