not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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