Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
