I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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