I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
