Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Sober January is a disaster.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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