Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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