Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
