Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
