As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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