Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dick very happy bro
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
