If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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