ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You ruined the universe
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
