I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
