What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
wow bdsm is so cute
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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