I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
