I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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