i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
