That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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