Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
