I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
