would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
