her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
