I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
