It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
