honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
