who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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