When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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