It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
