They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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