if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
