...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
