I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
