I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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