cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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