Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
where are my eyebrows?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
