I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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