So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
