my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
