Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
