You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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