Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
