There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That reminds me...we need to get swords
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
