Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
