either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
