your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
