White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
