i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
