So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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