I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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