just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
