Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
