that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
organizing the empties. That sober.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
