Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
