there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
